As the first year comes to an end, I look back at all my disparate memories from a bumpy voyage. The moment we entered the college, each one of us was just the same amount of screwed. A bag full of memories is the most precious catch we take back by the end of the year. As an introvert, I found the crowd, the outward social intercourse rather unnerving. By the end of the first week, I had found out about my social anxiety and it was already crippling me slowly, piece by piece. I already felt like a lost and despicable soul amidst a thousand faultless ones. On my second day, out of panic, I could not even present a 2 minute intro in a tutorial class of merely around 25 students. I constantly had this desire to fade away & disappear. Every stranger face, every offbeat place haunted me. I tricked myself into crashing out on my bed, watching Bojack to feel a similitude thinking it would somehow cure my distress.

A series of group intro talks, workshops, followed by the recruitments kept me abstracted awhile. Group intro chapos were always a nightmare for me. Stranger eyes gawking at me frightened me. The only memory I have from the first intro chapo is hiding somewhere in the corner, gulped in panic, texting about my despair to a friend from school. Little did I know the same group would someday turn a family.

I found a divergent pool of people with different opinions, imparting all sorts of contrasting advices. Reckoning that I already sucked at making decisions, such wide-ranging input of opinions made it only worse. After a lot of failed attempts at escaping my disquiet, a lack of desires to manifest heroism triggered me to a grave mistake: I thought of running away as the easiest way out. When I feared being around people, I would run back to being alone in my room. When I feared the gruesome walls of my room, I would run away to people in attempts of socialising. All along there was a constant fear of failure: in pursuing every thing I craved, in retaining all the relationships that were priceless. This cycle brought me no escape, as I had been carrying all my troubles along, while running away, hiding my frailty. I ended up losing some valued friendships owing to my indifference in outfacing issues.

When I started college, I longed for the newfound freedom I was supposed to possess, but ended up messing myself in an inexorable trap. I was flowing through a puddle of contradicting opinions, vivid backgrounds, peerless talents. With every passing day, my picture of the radiant days ahead faded and I was getting withdrawn from this pipe dream.

My first worthwhile shot at improving my social life was Thomso. Tormented by the thought of decaying in my room for 3 days, I took a step ahead and it turned out to result in high spirits, giving me a hoard of jovial memories. 1st sem ended with an unforgettable trip to Mussoorie. Semester break was absorbed largely in watching movies and a trip to Sikkim.

2nd semester brought a clement sunrise to my doomed chronicle. I started skipping lectures more than ever, ended up with a poor attendance. After being constantly warned by the prof, I had to show up but I would mostly be playing PUBG in the back benches. Academics could never make it to the list of all the trades that actually mattered to me. I learned to smoothly let go of the stuffs that required hell lot of stress & effort. Rather than nurturing ambitions, I let them voluntarily fall apart and rejoiced in my unambitious caprice. Bit by bit I was able to untangle all the shackles holding me down, learning how to let go of my infirmity, and mastering this art as I got stuck again and again. Folks usually come to college with a bag of dreams & nurture them here, or find other dreams. I came with many, lost them all en route, and was blown undirected in no time.

As I advanced my social life, endless chapos came along the course. January kick-started with the epic GG trip to Shimla and ended with the tedious technical group recruitments, followed by the IMG trip to Mcleodganj, post an unnoticed MTE in between. Amid the fun farewell activities and missing the assignment deadlines from multiple groups, academics earned no heed in my schedule. The disastrous ETE concluded in another Rishikesh trip, earning an assortment of memories.

College life unfurls uniquely for every one. You begin in the same shoes and run the same race until you approach a snag and see the flaws and strengths around. You get to accept the flaws in yourself and in everyone around, and advance in your way. You’re never too far ahead or far behind, because there’s no winning or losing. That’s the best thing about the sprightly college life: it doesn’t stop your manoeuvre on your petty decisions.